The miraculous thing that is soap...

I've always wondered what it must be like to have your mouth washed out with soap. Luckily, I was a perfect daughter and an angel of a child, so I was never fortunate enough to have that particular experience. That is, until, last night. I have one of those fancy toothbrush holders. You know, the kind that holds your toothbrush upright so that is doesn't sit and fester in a pool of your germs. (Yes, I have a bit of a germ phobia. I'm also very scatter-brained and this allows me to keep track of the little bugger.) Well, this marvel of modern engineering made it so that my toothbrush was at exactly the same height as my hand soap thing. You know the kind... the bottle with the awesome press down top that seems to deliver just the right amount of soap directly into the palm of your hand. You get the joy of seeing a large cloud of puffy white suds all over your hands but without all that strenuous work of rubbing one of those bars of Ivory soap. Really, the only way it could be any cooler is if it was the kind with the instant foamy soap. (Come on. You know you love it too. There is just a child-like surge of joy associated with that stuff.) Anyway, back to where we left off: since they were the same height they looked so charming sitting next to each other on the bathroom counter. And for some reason it never occurred to me that they wouldn't get along. The two must have had a brawl at some point yesterday and the toothbrush lost. After washing my face I mechanically reached for my toothbrush without noticing that it had soap on it. I quickly realized my mistake as I began to brush my teeth but since I was tired and I had just killed off a number of brain cells by watching the TV for numerous hours I was convinced that if I simply brushed more vigorously I would be able to rid my mouth of the soapy taste. Since a large majority of the germs in your mouth reside on your tongue I have become accustomed to cleaning it, and the soapy toothbrush was not going to stop me. I wish that it had. I went to bed with my mouth tasting squeaky clean. While the soap says that it neutralizes odors I'm pretty sure this will not catch on as a way to rid yourself of morning breath. After about a minute ,I couldn't handle the awful taste any longer and I ransacked my room for gum. Of course, now that I needed it is was nowhere to be found. A light-bulb went on! Mom has gum in her desk. I crept out of my room and rummaged through a drawer or two before I found it. It didn't work out quite as planned. After only a few chews the gum too, tasted like soap which really wasn't incredibly helpful. I got rid of the gum and decided to simply ignore it and go to sleep. Easier said than done, but I was finally able to accomplish my goal. Even if I did fall asleep feeling like I could be a cartoon character - Donald Duck perhaps. Anyway, this was my long way of saying, thanks Mom and Dad for never washing my mouth out with soap.