The first two months...

They say the first year of marriage is the most difficult. Honestly, I can't figure out if that is good news or bad news. We've been married just about two and a half months and honestly if the first year of marriage is the most difficult then the rest of our marriage should be a cake walk. However, if these first two months are any indication of the next ten then I must admit I'm a little terrified of what else is coming our way.

I'm pretty sure one of the reasons BYU students get married so early is, as a couple in my Art History class said last year: "you get more money being married than you do being single." With a federal grant designed to give free money to married college students who wouldn't want to get married? This may not have been the only reason I decided to get married but lets be honest, it was a big part of it. I mean, why do you think I married a guy who's planning on being a doctor - you guessed it! Money! Just kidding. :) However, anyone that knows me very well knows that I don't like to part with my money. Since I was planning on buying the Camry from my parents before the end of the summer I was more than a little worried that I would be coming into the marriage with absolutely nothing in my savings - something I hadn't experienced since I started putting money in a savings account. Because of this it was a relief to know that we would be getting somewhere around 2000 dollars of free money.

Kevin and I didn't want to miss out on the grant and when the McKay's looked on the website we saw that the deadline for the application for the 2009-2010 school year was in June or July of 2009- I can't remember now... We needed to get our butts in gear to get the application in before the wedding to be sure we would get the money! For at least two or three weeks I called and nagged Kevin about applying for the grant. He kept babbling about how he didn't have time and how he didn't see why we needed to do it now before we were married and why we wouldn't just wait until after the wedding and do it as a couple. I then procceeded to tell him that this is how I had been told we were to do it and that if we missed the deadline we wouldn't be able to get the money we needed. It seemed so obvious I couldn't understand why he didn't get it - the website said you could submit corrections for evertything but your socical security number - so as long as it was in by the deadline we would just correct it and get our money for the year. At one point Kevin was so busy with work he told me he was pretty sure he wasn't going to get his application in, and that his dad was busy too and he couldn't get the tax return information that he needed. But, being the wonderful guy that he is Kevin worked it all out and got the application in just in time. Isn't he the best?!

First lesson of marriage: Don't listen to Kayla, Kevin is usually right and always almost worth listening to.

Back when Kevin was babbling on about how he had too much to do and he didn't understand why we couldn't just do it together, what he had really been saying was that he didn't understand why we needed to fill out the application separately when the deadline went all the way to June/July of 2010. But since I thought I was always right I didn't even bother to listen to Kevin's logic and because of my pig-headedness we weren't able to get our grant. The website does say that you can change anything but your social security number but somewhere buried in all the information about how to apply it also says that you can only change your marital status if it was incorrect as of the day you applied. Since Kevin and I were in fact single when we applied it didn't matter that we were married now there was no way to change it. Kevin called me at work to deliver the news which meant I had to hold it together for a little while but when I got home I cried for about three hours straight before I had to go to my class that night - Kevin, being the incredibly sweet husband that he is not only refrained from saying "I told you so" but he also came to my two and a half hour art class with me. We then came home to our little condo in springville and tried to figure out how we were going to pay for everything. Which really means that Kevin had to sit there and comfort me as I hyperventilated and freaked out that I had just bought a car and that I didn't have any money to help us live off of and our house was a disaster, everything was still in boxes, the only food we had as a gallon of milk and two boxes of cereal, no money to buy food, and our rent and bills were going to come due before I would get paid (thank goodness my boss from the past two years liked me and let me come back to work for him). What were we going to do?

Mommy and Kira To the Rescue!

Mommy came into town and brought Kira out from San Jose and they unpacked all of our boxes and helped Kevin decorate the house while I studied and prepared my application to get into the advertising program here at BYU. (Sadly I actually studied for the test I would have to take while on my Honeymoon. Wow, I'm really a loser). Kira and mom took Kevin and myself to Bed Bath and Beyond and Target and we got a ton of beautiful stuff with our wedding money - I had no idea what to do with all of it though and thankfully we had Kira to put it all together for us. Because she had to empty all our boxes she only had time to do the front room of the house but it looks amazing and we desparately want her to come back and do the rest of the apartment. (We also owe a big thank you to mommy and daddy McKay for all the furniture because without their kindness we would have a very empty and sad looking condo - and another big thank you to mommy and daddy Conrad for the TV and to all the Conrads (Heidi, Kaleigh, Hyrum, Britney and James for helping us unload the moving van until all hours of the morning) Mommy Moose also took us food shopping and let us fill up our pantry so we wouldn't go hungry. She also offered to help us out if we ever needed it. Thank goodness for family and parents that won't let their kids go hungry.

Because Mom and Kira did all the work with the house I was able to finish my application for advertising which included an 80 question test (the one I studied for on the Honeymoon - luckily I acutally enjoyed the information so it didn't really feel like study - more like interesting reading), five essay questions and a 60 second video (they also look at your grades in the prerequisite courses and the number of credits you have - they subtract a point for every credit over 75). It seemed that everyone but me was sure I would get in to the program and when I got a 78 on the test I studied so hard for I was incredibly discouraged and it seemed to me the last nail in the coffin. Kevin and mom were still convinced taht I should put in the application and that if I did I was sure to get in. However, I wasn't too convinced but I continued anyway and turned in my application on September 11. This was my video:

I was supposed to find out whether or not I was accepted on October 9th but the pushed the date back to Thursday the 15th. Kevin and I went to pick up the letter at lunch but I refused to open it until after school because I knew if I opened it before class and Iwasn't accepted I wouldn't be able to go to my classes for the rest of the day. It's a really good thing I decided to wait. We got home and when I opened it the first line caused my heart to fall and instantly brought tears to my eyes: We would like to thank you for your interest in our program but unfortuantely you were not admitted - something along those lines anyway - you know the completely condesending rejection letter as though they actually care that they just crushed your dreams and threw your plans for the future in the toilet. I basically spent the rest of the day in a catatonic state on the couch crying and sleeping and according to Kevin, crying in my sleep. I also had to call and tell my sister and mom to tell them - it was not a good day for the McKay women - Mom had gotten some bad news at workand Kira found out that she was having a girl when she desparately wanted a boy. it was not a good night. I feel so bad for Kevin, I know he felt incredibly helpless as he watched me curled up on the couch (for some reason when I'm really upset I like to just collapse on the couch). When I woke up the next morning my face was all red and my eyes were huge and puffy and when I looked in the mirror at my hideous face I was reminded all over again what I failure I am and I started crying my eyes out all over again - which really didn't help the redness or the puffyness. It was then that Kevin came in to the bathroom, sat on the floor with me, held me while I cried a bit more and then convinced me to take the day off of work and told me we would just drive up to his house for the weekend to be there for his sister's baby shower and just relax and forget about school. Before we left he helped me make an entire 13x9 pan of fudge - which I'm pretty sure I ate 3/4 by the end of that weekend. Before we left I also sent a message to one of the advertising professors asking if I could meet with them and discuss exactly what in my application kept me from being accepted. I met with him the following tuesday, and when he looked at my scores he looked me right in the eye and said: "Your grades are great but your video wasn't very good and your test score really needs to be improved." Thank you, I spent hours on that video and I personally thought it was really good, especially considering your useless description of what was required for the video. and I'm sorry that I wasn't able to do well on your horribly written exam. He later qualified that the reason my video wasn't very good is that it was something they see a lot of -I read the list of crap that they see too much of and my video wasn't on there. He did tell me that with my grades I should definitely re-take the test, make a new video and apply again next semester. Really, not very helpful.

It had alll seemed so perfect - We had year and a half after I would be accepted and we would need to move so Kevin could go to med school. Now what am I supposed to do? Now even if I applied to the program there is a really good chance that I wouldn't be able to finish before we needed to move. I guess it's time to figure out a new plan for my future. Oh, well, that's life, there's not easy way is there?

Since being at school Kevin and I have mostly been driving Kevin's car. This meant that almost every weekend for two months his car was getting the added miles of driving the four hours two and from Rexburg. The most driving my car had seen was moving it in and out of the garage to get the trash can out on Monday morning. It just made sense then to drive my car to and from Vegas. I drove the whole twelve hours and it was completely uneventful. We were so happy with the gas mileage on my car that we continued to drive it for the rest of the week. On thursday (the 29th) we headed to the airport to catch our flight to Vancouver to visit Mom and Dad and see Kira and Zac for the weekend. We had so much fun and we really didn't want to leave but school was calling and we had to go back to the real world. We had an ueventful flight back to Utah and although it took forever to get our bags and twice as long to get out to the car using the shuttle we finally were able to throw all our stuff in the trunk and head home. It has been a lot of fun to visit family almost every weekend but we were pretty excited to be headed home. It would be so niche to just relax and stay home for a while and we couldn't wait.

On the drive home I can't remember if mom called me or if I called her but as we were coming up on thanksgiving point the phone kept cutting out and dropping the call and it was getting really annoying so I told mom as we were driving up the hill that I would just call her back when we got home. Kevin called his mom too but their phones weren't having any issues (clearly, I just wasn't supposed to be on the phone). We continued driving and we were getting really close to home - we were coming up on the Orem center Street exit and the traffic started slowing down - I was in the far left lane and the HOV was wide open so I deciede to just get over. While I was checking my blind spot the car in front of us slammed on the break and Kevin said "break, Kayla break!" when I turned to look the car was right there in front of us and I hit our breaks - when I hit the breaks I must have turned the the wheel to the right again which was sending us straight for the back of the other car so I quickly turned it to the left to pull in to the HOV like I had been planning (I knew it was empty - I had just been checking my blind spot) (Luckily all the cars behind us were quite a ways back too or else we might have been smashed). That turn to the right was the last thing I had any control over. The car started swerving uncontrolably - to me it felt like it was rocking side to side as well as going from left to right. At this point Kevin was still on the phone with his mom and apparently all she hear was Kevin say "break" and then a panicked voice she couldn't understand - that was me screaming Kevin's name (not that I wanted him to do anything, I was just terrified that he was going to be hurt) and then everything apparently went to static - that was Kevin dropping his phone and it breaking apart. After the car swerving uncontrolably I just remember seeing the red lights of the backs of cars then twisting or turning and headed for the middle divider. Suddenly it was white headlights I was seeing through the cracked windshield as glass was falling on us, then the top of the car went from the being up towards the sky down to the ground and somehow we ended up back on all four tires. Oh, and somewhere in there I hit my head on the steering wheel (the airbags didn't deploy). Kevin remembers hitting the middlle divider on the driver's side - then we went up the divider - the car was airborn then came down and hit the roof on the passenger's side and tipped back onto all four wheels. We ended up partly in the HOV lane and partly in the far left lane facing oncoming traffic. First we made sure that each other was ok and the second we knew that I immediately started freaking out that I had destroyed my car. I had just purchased it from my parents with my entire life savings (something that already freaked me out) and now on it's ninth trip out of the garage since actually owning the car it was completely totaled. A couple of people stopped and they came up to the car to make sure we were ok. Two of them were registered nurses and they told us not to move too much until the EMT's got here. At which point I said I was fine and that nothing hurt I just wanted to get out of the glass I was sitting in. They didn't want to let me but that didn't stop me from trying to get the glass out of my sleeves.

The EMT did get there and he let us get out of the car - when I looked down the little mouse keychain my mom had given me was sitting on the seat next to me and as I was getting out of the car I grabbed it and stuffed it in my pocket. Then the EMT and the Police and the Tow Truck guy and everyone started asking questions about what had happend. Honestly what are they thinking? I was shaking and crying and I had no idea what was going on and here they were asking me to explain everything and expecting me to remember everything they were telling me. Are you kidding me? It took me two minutes to remember that I had family living in Utah that could come pick me up.

Kevin laughed at me when I hit the call button to connect to Uncle Carl and said "I really hope he's not running a marathon." Then when he didn't answer I realized that we still had Dacia and Joe nearby that could give us a ride. Thankfully, Dacia answered and she sent Uncle Carl, Joe and Buggy to come pick us up. It was really nice to see a friendly face that wasn't asking me to explain but was just giving me a hug and showing us that we were loved.

When we got out of the Ambulance we went back over to the car and while Kevin was filling out the accident report for the police I was taking pictures.

I'm not sure why all of this is happening but I guess that's life but it really hasn't been all bad. In fact almost everything that has happened has brought us closer together and has made me realize what a blessing it is that I have Kevin in my life. And it was never more obvious than last night. When Uncle Carl dropped us off back at the condo I really started freaking out that with all these horrible things that had been happening the only thing that could be any worse than what had already happened would be losing Kevin and that was something that I had come horribly close to that night. It was then that Kevin offered to give me a blessing and it was the sweetest blessing I have ever recieved. The blessing told me everything that I have been needing to hear and I was reminded just how lucky I am to have Kevin in my life and how much I owe to my heavenly father for bringing him into my life and for protecting both of us and allowing us more time together on this earth.